Thankful Blog

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

This year I am grateful I have found my family and for a sober life.

Happiness and Relationships

Chris Rock, a famous standup comedian and actor, in his show “Bigger and Blacker” says this about dating and relationships: “When people go on that first date, they never come as themselves. They always send their representatives.  They put on their best clothes, their best clothes, their best personalities, their best manners. They spend hours picking out the right outfit, the right hairstyle, make sure their teeth are the brightest.  They are on their best behavior. They don’t belch or fart or pick their noses or do any of the things that six months later they do.”

The key to a healthier happier relationship is, from the beginning, presenting their true selves. Allowing the person, from the onset, to decide if they like this person and not the representative people tend to show up as on the first date.

In this essay, I will address the theory of unconditional love, what it means to be loved for our core selves and to be known rather than validated.

How do we define unconditional love? Does it mean we love someone no matter how they behave?  Do we expect someone to love us no matter how we behave? Civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. was quoted as saying “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality”.  There is a line in the chorus of Tupac Amaru Shakur’s song “Unconditional Love” that says “Never treated me bad, no matter who I was, you still came with that, unconditional love”.  Harold W. Becker, author and founder of The Love Foundation, Inc., defines unconditional love as "an unlimited way of being." From his book of the same title, Becker goes on to say that "the greatest power known to man is that of unconditional love. Through the ages, mystics, sages, singers and poets all expressed the ballad and call to love. As humans, we searched endlessly for the experience of love through the outer senses.” It is apparent that the answer, depends on who you ask.  I define unconditional love as accepting people for who they are and then deciding if this is a person you want to spend your time with.  It is accepting people for their core selves.

The core self comprises our deepest most stable characteristics. It is comprised of the principals we each choose to live by. A person who is passionate, patient, courageous and persistent- might open an animal shelter- as these are characteristics  that are required to be successful from the inside. Yes, it takes money and contacts to run an effective shelter system, but with these characteristics, the tangibles are within reach.  To be loved for materialistic things, fame or power is to be loved conditionally. Once these “conditions” are no longer available then neither is the love.  To be loved for your passion, warmth and intensity is to be loved unconditionally. We often say that dogs love us unconditionally. They do not love of for our possessions. They love us because we care for them and show them compassion and care and love we them.  (ok and maybe for the occasional peanut butter dipped bone, but that’s a different paper). Dogs spend a lot of time watching and observing us. Over time they get to know us. We become known to them rather than being validated by them.

In his book “Passionate Marriage”, sex therapist David Schnarch challenges the view that sex and passion are simply biological drives.  Many people mistake pure sexual desire - lust – for true love, it is not sufficient on its own.  Familiarity leads to intimacy. Being told “ you have a hot body” is nice to hear. But having your body truly loved is better. For a partner to get to know your body, that takes time. Your partner must be familiar with you  and what makes you happy. Validation is almost like, if you fit the criteria of a particular situation, then you are accepted. Being known is when a person knows, you as you are, and accepts you. While it is important to be accepted by others, should they accepted you as you are and not after your conform to certain standards.  

In closing, wouldn’t you rather be loved unconditionally for who you are rather than you who are supposed to be? Living life as you are is much simpler than changing to fit another’s person’s idea of what a mate is, is unnatural and phony.  So the next time you’re on your first date. Go ahead… fart.. be natural. It’s a good test.

Today in class

Today in class, I was asked to do a personality test. The results that came back, for me were extremely accurate. It's good to know that my desicions for my future are right on tract. They say if you do something you love you will never have to work a day in your life. There is no greater passion for me than helping animals.

Blog #3

As some of you may already know, this is my first year of college.  I feel that my situation, while not unique, as there are many people my age that go back to school a little later on in life, deserves a closer look.  I would like to ensure that my time at LaGuardia is productive, my schedule is well managed and that I have a good time as well.  I want to get the full experience of college life, as well as keep my focus on the result, which is a satisfying career in animal services.

One of the things I believe will assist in this goal is to learn to adapt to the different teaching styles of my professors.  I learn better in a structured teaching environment in which I am given very specific instructions.  Creative freedom frightens me.  This is especially true in mathematics.  Not all professors have the time or the patience to teach this way.  I understand that they have scheduled lesson plans as well as time constraints to which they must adhere.  One of the ways I intend to resolve this is by getting tutoring.  LaGuardia College offers many tutoring options.  There is group study, where several students get together and work on a particular subject.  There are tutors available in all subject labs almost every day of the week.  For students, such as myself, there is a program for disadvantaged students called “College Discovery” that offers free one-on-one tutoring in every subject.  I have also found that professors are a great source of information to overcome these obstacles.

One of my biggest hindrances towards enjoying school is this perception that getting an education is nothing but hard word, hard work  and more hard work.  Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has done extensive studies on the formula of “no pain, no gain.”  Csikszentmihalyi speaks about the theory of “flow”. Flow, according to Csikszentmihalyi, is a state in which one is immersed in an experience that is rewarding in and of itself, a state in which we feel we are one with the experience, in which “action and awareness are merged.” I like to refer to this as being in “the zone”. We are all familiar with this concept. It happens when you are doing something you really enjoy and time gets away from you. For me, it is building Lego projects, reading a great James Patterson book, and playing with a dog. I can get lost in those feelings. For some reading is a chore, therefore the feeling like reading is something to be avoided. When I read I am learning something. Even if it is a great fiction book, I am still sharpening my vocabulary. When I build Lego projects, I learn about math and when playing with a dog I learn about love and purity. That school is a chore, is rooted in us all from a very early age. It is referred to as “school work” and “homework” Evening fun is cut short because you “have to go to school in the morning”. Your told, “don’t go out to play in your school clothes”. I know when I was a kid, no fun was had until homework and school tasks were complete. Csikszentmihalyi feels the term “no pain, no gain” should be expressed as “present gain, future gain”. I agree. In my short time here at LAGCC, I have worked hard at all my studies. However, I can honestly say that I am enjoying and having a good time with it. Occasionally, I become distracted and bored, but never in my English 101 class.

Another thing that will help me to achieve my goals is to learn that criticism is not personal.  School is a place of learning.  Part of learning is receiving feedback.  Feedback, as define by Webster’s Dictionary is “the transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event, or process to the original.”  If I have learned something incorrectly or there are ways I can improve, feedback should be considered a positive construction and not negative criticism.

Something else that may help achieve my ultimate goal is accepting my abilities as my abilities.  I come from a very driven and well-educated family.  I have a cousin, who has just entered graduate school.  She is studying to get a PhD in Child Psychology.  She is very bright and I tend to compare myself to her.  We have similar academic personalities in that we are both perfectionists but she has more experience in the education process.  I think it is best to learn from her study practices yet understand that we are two different people.

One more thing I think I can do to make this experience better is to engage more in class.  I have found that in the classes where students participate, they get more attention from the instructor.  This also can help to keep me from getting bored or distracted.  I also feel that this allows the professor to gauge the level of understanding that I have on the subject matter.  The only way to verifying whether the professor has made their point is to engage with me. 

I watched a very interesting clip of a speaker at the Ted Conferences. TED is a small nonprofit devoted to Ideas worth spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, and Design. (I thought it was named after a guy named Ted)  The clip I was watching is from a motivational speaker named Tony Robbins. I remember many years ago, I would watch him on late night TV and knew that if he stuck with it, he would become famous.  Anyhow, his main point in this clip is to find out what motive forces you to action. Mr. Robbins feels, and I agree, that the invisible force of internal drive activated is the most important key to success In other words, if you believe you can achieve. You can be very intelligent, but if you are not emotionally connected to your dream, you will fail. In my goal of having a happier education, I will always remember what my motivation is. I want to be an Animal Control Officer. I want to enforce and create laws that will protect all animals. I believe that I was born to do this.  It is my passion. 

In closing, I have listed just a few of the goals I have set for myself so that I can have more fulfilling college experience.  I have traveled a very long way to get to this point in my life.  I still have a journey ahead of me.  I do believe that with perseverance, good time management, academic self- esteem and a good plan, I can go very far.

I still think a good breakfast is key to a good education.

Blog #2

As some of you may already know, this is my first year of college.  I feel that my situation, while not unique, as there are many people my age that go back to school a little later on in life, deserves a closer look.  I would like to ensure that my time at LaGuardia is productive, my schedule is well managed and that I have a good time as well.  I want to get the full experience of college life, as well as keep my focus on the result, which is a satisfying career in animal services.

One of the things I believe will assist in this goal is to learn to adapt to the different teaching styles of my professors.  I learn better in a structured teaching environment  in which I am given very specific instructions.  Creative freedom frightens me.  This is especially true in mathematics.  Not all professors have the time or the patience to teach this way.  I understand that they have scheduled lesson plans as well as time constraints to which they must adhere.  One of the ways I intend to resolve this is by getting tutoring.  LaGuardia College offers many tutoring options.  There is group study, where several students get together and work on a particular subject.  There are tutors available in all subject labs almost every day of the week.  For students, such as myself, there is a program for disadvantaged students called “College Discovery” that offers free one-on-one tutoring in every subject.  I have also found that professors are a great source of information to overcome these obstacles.

Another thing that will help me to achieve my goals is to learn that criticism is not personal.  School is a place of learning.  Part of learning is receiving feedback.  Feedback, as define by Webster’s Dictionary is “the transmission of evaluative or corrective information about an action, event, or process to the original.”  If I have learned something incorrectly or there are ways I can improve, feedback should be considered a positive construction and not negative criticism.

Something else that may help achieve my ultimate goal is accepting my abilities as my abilities.  I come from a very driven and well-educated family.  I have a cousin, who has just entered graduate school.  She is studying to get a PhD in Child Psychology.  She is very bright and I tend to compare myself to her.  We have similar academic personalities in that we are both perfectionists but she has more experience in the education process.  I think it is best to learn from her study practices yet  understand that we are two different people.

One more thing I think I can do to make this experience better is to engage more in class.  I have found that in the classes where students participate, they get more attention from the instructor.  This also can help to keep me from getting bored or distracted.  I also feel that this allows the professor to gauge the level of understanding that I have on the subject matter.  The only way to verifying whether the professor has made their point is to engage with me. 

In closing, I have listed just a few of the goals I have set for myself so that I can have more fulfilling college experience.  I have traveled a very long way to get to this point in my life.  I still have a journey ahead of me.  I do believe that with perseverance, good time management, academic self- esteem and a good plan, I can go very far.

Breakfast… I think a good breakfast every day would help too!

Blog #1

I have been asked by my ENG101 Professor to write a blog about an experience of mine that would confirm my agreement with one of the Doctors theories’  in an article in our Composition 101 Textbook “The Pursuit of Happiness”.

When I first got clean in November of 2007, I thought that decision to get clean make my world this blissful place. A place with where there were no problems, challenges or hard times. As the days and months passed, I found out that this was not the case.  I began to fall into a deep depression. I was also homeless at the time.  At the time, I had no resources: access to housing, family, employment or education. I wanted to know why, if I was working so hard to stay clean, the “magic” hadn’t happened. I thought getting clean was the “magic wand”. It is not. I didn’t know this at the time.

I looked for help in the medical field, in religion, in social workers, in self help books and just about anyone who would offer some insight to the problem. My search rendered me more confused than before. Mental health doctors wanted to put me on medication. I am strongly against any mind altering drugs, due to my sobriety. Religion, well, I think that’s an opinion for another blog. The overburdened social work system offered very little in the way of resolve. Self help books seemed very phony to me and were only in place to make the authors a lot of money. The random people I spoke to on the street or at the library didn’t help because everyone was looking for the same thing I was – peace of mind.

All this drama led me to make a decision, while in a “hot” state.  I decided to commit suicide. I remember that night so very clearly. It was raining in the Bronx. As I huddled in a doorway, wondering how I was going to end all this suffering, movement caught my eye. I turned to see a dog moving very quickly towards the garbage can. I didn’t want to frighten the dog, so I remained still and watched. In the moonlight I saw this dog digging through the garbage can, apparently looking for food.  I had remembered a sandwich I had received earlier that day at a soup kitchen.  I dug around in my bag and fished it out. I remember just holding it out, trying to catch the dog’s attention. This dog eventually caught a whiff of it and started to approach me, ears back, trying to look as submissive as it could. Finally, it got close enough to take a bite of this sandwich. At first I thought the dog would grab the sandwich and run. It did not. After eating it in one gulp, this lay down at my side and kept me warm the whole night.  The next morning she was still at my side. That t dog followed me everywhere I went for the next three days. During this time, I had no time to think about suicide. I now was responsible for this dogs eating, as well as my own.  I had checked in at my social workers desk one morning and he stated to me that a bed had opened up at a rehab center in the Bronx. I obviously could not bring the dog with me. I went to a city shelter and there they told me they would take the dog in, but could not guarantee that they would find a home for it. They gave me a number I could call to find out the status of the dog. Twenty four hour later I entered rehab. I made a call to the shelter and was told that the dog was put to sleep. It was at that moment, in a “cold” state of rational, that I decided I would spend the rest of my life helping animals. Now had I made that decision while in a “hot” state to commit suicide, I would not be here at LaGuardia Community College working toward becoming a Veterinary Technician, now would I?

Well, that’s about seven hundred twenty five words. Hope you enjoyed this moment looking into my past, because my future is so bright I have to wear shades!  A decision made in a “hot” state could have taken all this amazing-ness away!